Stuck in Slow Motion

Hello, Everyone & Welcome (or Welcome Back!) to Courage Unchained!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here and though it was one of my New Year’s goals to share on this blog once a month, the busyness of life quickly got in the way. A lot has happened since the beginning of the year and honestly, my mind is still processing so much. I’ve been working a lot, three jobs to be specific. Recently, I decided to let go of one and help my husband again in his lawn care and landscaping business. Technically, I will still be working three jobs but all self-employed at this point. My Granny has reached remission (praise the Lord!) I hope and pray this journey just gets easier on her from here on out. I’ve been attending real estate classes to further my career. Another birthday has come and gone. And with much sadness in my heart, my loving Aunt passed away suddenly a couple weeks ago. 

Greif is weird. You’re fine one moment, then sad about something random she gave you a few minutes later. You laugh at the stories & cry at the same time. It’s been a tough couple of weeks but I feel comfort at this point because some days I really feel like she’s watching out for me/us from Heaven. Though it hurts my heart that she isn’t here with us anymore, I know we’ll see her again one day. 

Life in general has been slow and yet fast. Happy in some moments and of course, very sad in others. We’ve been very blessed that sickness didn’t invade our home over the winter this year. And now, it’s hard to believe it’s already May.  Even so, it has felt like we’ve been stuck in slow motion. Just living day after day in groundhogs day.   

To be honest, for a while I’ve felt less than inspired & writing doesn’t come as easy when you feel like you have nothing to say. Up until the beginning of April, all I had to say was negative. I don’t feel as if it’s normal for me to be a glass-half-empty type of person but that’s just the way I was feeling for the first few months of the year. Over the winter, I admittedly fell into a hole of anxiety, overthinking & depression. Might as well have full disclosure as I’m not into acting like nothing is wrong and not speaking out about mental health. Winter has naturally always been a bit difficult for me. Not as much sun, indoors a lot, too much time to dwell on things that just don’t deserve mental space in my mind & so on. The negativity settled in much deeper than I even realized, until reading this specific book at the start of last month.

The “glass half empty” mindset really started to get worse due to the fact that everything has felt so incredibly stuck in slow motion since last year. It has seemed like we’ll never get past this season. And so, we wake up the next day & do the same as the day before for survival. Happiness, smiling, contentment, being carefree, relaxing, feeling hopeful, having faith, none of that has come easy over the last several months. 

At the beginning of April, I started to remember that not getting to where you want to be as fast as you would like, takes trusting God in His timing. Boy, that isn’t easy some days. The Lord has really been dealing with me on my discouraging mouth and mindset. Last month, I picked up a book called “Power Words” from the library & started reading it along with my devotional. Some reflections that were quickly revealed to me are, the negativity that was coming out of my mouth was pretty harsh. Our current circumstances should not determine my day-in and day-out attitude. I’ve started to see how I need to be speaking life, positivity, hope, determination & speaking God’s word over our future. Instead of speaking words of despair, negativity, hopelessness, sadness & words that slowly kill hopes & dreams. 

The book really helped, the real estate classes I’ve been attending have been a huge mindset reset & my Aunt’s passing, though it broke my heart, it also fixed my vision. Life is short, don’t hold on to the negative. Don’t forget to live. By that I mean, live life to the fullest. Be excited about the here and now, just as much as you’re excited about the future. Sometimes becoming so consumed with the future, makes you forget the blessings in the here and now. Not that you don’t still look forward to what’s to come, it’s not that you don’t have goals & dreams, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have any vision for the future, but stopping to smell the roses along the way. I’m not yet where I want to be, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like we’re going somewhere. Has anything changed with our circumstances in the last month? Technically yes, something has changed. My heart, attitude & mind. 

Instead of waking up & automatically thinking something like “Let’s hope this is going to be a good day.” I am trying to wake up & say “Alright Lord. The sun is shining, I am alive & well. Today IS a good day!” Instead of being discontent, I am trying to be content with the here & now so in turn, I can be content when the future arrives. One thing that has also been put on my heart is that if I cannot be content with where we are now, I won’t be able to be content with where we’re heading. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an easy process. The previous habits are not easy to break & some days I just have to say “Lord, please improve my thoughts today!” because if I don’t hand the wheel over to Him, my mood will decline. But I’m trying to make better choices with my thought process each day & I’ll tell you, I’ve most certainly been happier & more joyful since making the decision to try & get up each day with a grateful heart and a different outlook. 

Until next time…..


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